Irish Jokes

A man walks in a pub goes over to the bar looks at the
barwoman and says "you know you have very small breasts?"
The barwoman says" how dare you speak to me like that? Get out U R barred."
Sometime goes past and the same man walks in the same pub goes over to the bar looks at the barwoman and says " U know u have a very big arse?" the woman says u r the same guy that I barred last time u have some front to come in here again and say that to me...... so since u seem to B the expert what U thing I should do? “The guy says “get a bit of tissue and rub between your breast." the barwoman says” and will that work?
And the guy “Well it worked for your arse!

A priest in a small Irish village loved his chickens that he kept in
the coop behind the church.

One Sunday morning, before mass, he went to feed the birds and
discovered that the thingy was missing.

He knew about the thingy fights in the village, so he decided to
question
his parishioners in the church.

During mass, he asked his congregation,

"Has anybody got a c**k?"

All the men stood up.

"No, no, that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a c**k?"

All the women stood up.

"No, no, that wasn't what I meant either.

"Has anybody seen a c**k that doesn't belong to them?"

Half the women stood up!

"No, no, no. That wasn't what I meant. What I really mean is, has
anybody
seen MY c**k?"

Sixteen altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up.

BREAKING NEWS

In view of the recent revelations that TV companies are being investigated for letting people enter competitions that they had absolutely no chance of winning, it has been announced by the SFA and SPL that Glasgow Rangers are taking legal action against them for the same reason.

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were trying to get in to see the Olympics
without tickets.
So they got to the stadium during one of the main events and discussed how they
would be able to attend without paying.
The Englishman walked around the stadium and saw a pole lying on the ground and
picked it up. He walked to the entrance and said, "Peter. England. Pole throwing."
The guards let him in without hesitation.
While walking, the Scotsman sees a manhole. He picks up the cover, carries it under
his arm to the entrance and says, "McGregor. Scotland. Discus throwing."
The guards let him in also.
The Irishman is very frantic, since both his friends are now inside. He walks around
the stadium and finds a roll of barbed wire. He picks it up, walks to the entrance and
says, "Murphy. Ireland. Fencing."

Fergus, why don't You tell us the joke 'bout the 3 italian nuns ?

=moris=, 15/02/2008 15.22:

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Fergus, why don't You tell us the joke 'bout the 3 italian nuns ?

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ok.... :)

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven, where they are met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. He says, "Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives that I'm granting you six months to go back to Earth and be anyone you want."

The first nun says, "" want-a to be Sophia Loren" and poof! she's gone.

The second says, "I want-a to be Madonna" and poof! she's gone.

The third says, "I want-a to be Sara Pipalini."

St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he says.

"Sara Pipalini," replies the nun.

St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry but that name just doesn't ring a bell."

The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. He reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says "No Sister, this says 'Sahara Pipeline laid by 500 men in 7 days'!"