They know you're Italian when ...

- when americans think you're gay because of what you wear

- when you can recognize a fake Louis Vuitton (or any other designer)
bag from a real one

- when you are a 25 year old guy who calls his mom when he needs to
pick out new shoes or when he feels ill

- you are the only guy who carries a hairdryer to go on vacation

- wearing sunglasses indoors is normal. or even at night.

- you won't leave the house unless everything your wearing matches perfectly

- when you have had cappelletti al ragu' (or another regional pasta
dish) hand-made by your grandmother

- you eat spaghetti the proper way and you don't put pineapple or
ketchup on your pizza!!!

- you DON'T....FOR ANY REASON...have yesterday's cold pizza for breakfast!!

- you are used to going to a bar and ordering something alcoholic. and
you're 14.

- you cringe at the sight of someone cutting up their spaghetti

- you don't need a spoon to twirl your pasta in

- when you weight your pasta and cant possibly eat more than 150 grams

- when you can't eat anything but brioche for breakfast if you are at
a bar. If you're at home you eat biscotti inzuppati nel latte,
preferibilmente le gocciole o i pan di stella.

- it's hard for you to eat lunch or dinner without bread. you also
know what a coperto is.

- Eating dinner any time before 9.30pm is out of the question.

- when you know what an "aperitivo" is and that it is much more than
simply a drink before dinner.

- when you go out to dinner for your birthday party and find it
completely normal to pay for everyone's drinks!

- When you go to a coffee shop an ask for a coffee and actually mean
an espresso not a swimming pool. (L'Espresso is known as a weekly
magazine and not a way to order coffee)

- When with your pasta you have just wine or, at least, water...no
cappuccino, no iced tea, no milk

- when you know that there are two kinds of basic coffee, il caffe' o
il cappuccino, along with several variants. You get stunned if someone
starts talking about flat white, chai latte, skinny decaf, very hot
long black in a tall glass and stuff like that

- you try to explain the difference between prosciutto crudo and
prosciutto cotto and no one understands you.

- when eating out lasts a minimum of 2-4 hours because on top of
talking indefinitely you order an antipasto, un primo, un secondo, il
sorbetto, il caffe' e l'amaro (o il limoncello).

- You know what mozzarella di bufala is.

- you cannot visit a family member without having had at least one
full meal at their place

- when no one understands you when you are ordering from the menu at
an Italian restaurant in a foreign country because you are pronouncing
italian "correctly".

- When you set your timer to 8 minutes the moment you toss the
spaghetti into the pot, then come back after 7, taste it and turn the
stove off because you like your pasta al dente.

- You meet your friends for dinner at the pizzeria at 10 pm

- You go to regional events like 'the festival of the mushroom' or
'the festival of the carrot'

- when you can't just say YES if somebody asks you if you'd like to
have a coffee, but "doppio", "lungo", "ristretto", "macchiato caldo",
"macchiato freddo", "con 2 bustine di zucchero"...

- when you have a moped, and can't wait to upgrade to a 125, then a
250 and maybe someday un 600 o un 1000 (if you're a guy)

- you ride a vespa with a very proud (and happily childish) face

- you ride a fiat 500 with the same face you would have if you rode a vespa

- It's normal to ride a vespa with your mobile phone tucked into your
helmet and have a conversation.

- When just because there are 2 lanes marked on the road you know you
can get four cars in there

- When you get shocked seeing that in other countries the mopeds
respect the traffic lines and the other street rules.

- when you are shocked that a car has stopped for you to cross a
pedestrain crossing. And then you walk across it like you would walk
down a catwalk (but ten times slower) making the motorist furious with
himself for stopping in the first place!

- your average use of swear words(parolacce) in a day is over 30; make
it 50 if you are driving

- When red raffic lights don't actually mean "STOP", but check for
slow moving pedestrians and make sure no police are watching/or they
are far enough away not to catch up with you

- when you say boh

- when you say "i have 18 years" thinking people will understand how old you are

- you say "ma dai" in the middle of the sentence, speaking english,
for example: "ma dai, where are you going"!

- you move your hands when you speak, as if that helped others understand

- you don't need to say "what the fuck" using words but you just put
your hand "a carciofo"

- when you spell your name using stupid cities like Domodossola and Salerno

- when you dont know where to put the H...so you say APPY instead of
happy and AIR instead of HAIR

- you sing english songs without knowing what the fuck is coming out
of your mouth.

- You try to speak english but in most cases revert to saying Italian
words without the last vowel.

- You know you're Italian when you're explaining something in English
and you start with "allora" and keep saying "cioè"!

- you use "t.v.b."

- you say "vabbé"

- when you can tell what city someone is from just from them saying a
couple words.


- when you consider anything below rome to be foreign (for the
northern italians)

- you know what a squillo is

- you love or at least know what house music is

- you watch a soccer game and swear in front of the TV like your
talking directly to the player!!!

- you know what "po-poropo popooo" is! Mitica Italia!!

- You allow yourself one hour to go to the post office.

- Your first place you visit when you need anything is the Tabacchi.

- you're 35 (maybe even married) and you're still living with mom and dad.

- You say c-c-c-c-ciao at least twice before you hang up from a phone call.

- You think it's normal to have at least two mobile phones. (uno TIM e
uno vodafone)

- You don't bat an eye lid (non battere ciglio) at the fact 50% of
people on the tram / bus / train are talking loudly on their mobile
phone and gesturing wildly.

- You expect your friends to be late and you in turn are always late.

- when you grab your balls when you see a funeral procession.

- You're 14, in 9th grade and the majority of your class smokes

- You refuse to leave the house if its raining and if its snowing you hibernate.

- You think that a cold draft will either cramp your neck up or give
you a tummy ache, depending on "dove hai preso freddo"

- you need "a friend" in the "right place" in order to get ANYTHING done.

- you use an Invicta bag when travelling abroad so you can recognise
other Italians and steer clear of them, unless you want a cigarette

people think you are somehow related to the Mafia

- when something is either fascist or communist, never in the middle.

- when giving advice, even though you know nothing about the topic at
hand, you make things up because anything is better than "la brutta
figura" of saying you don't know

- you are having a conversation with someone on a cellphone and you
still make hand gestures

- when you start bunking off (marinare scuola) from school around may
to go to the beach (if you live near the sea)

- you know you're from italy when you smoke in the school toilets,
even though it says Vietato Fumare, and the teachers dont even say
anything

- when you are the only nation left in the EU who still uses
blackboards WITH chalk in classrooms, instead of 21st century
whiteboards and markers.

- you know you are italian when you understand what "merenda" is and
at what time it is at!!!!

- when you laugh at people wearing bike helmets!

- when you greet a friend with two kisses on each cheek

- You and your friends all have nicknames. In fact, you don't even
know some of your friends' real names!

- When you see people standing in a queue, you decide to make your own
queue at a different angle, hoping no one will notice.

- You take about 8 years to get your first university degree. Then you
either work for your family's business, which is completely unrelated
to your studies, or you emigrate.

- when you go on saturday night to a club (discoteca) and you leave at
6.00 in the morning, have breakfast and then go to sleep!

- when you are a guy, you're 35, you just started living on your own,
and you're facing the washing machine, with the user manual open in
front of you, and you' don't know what to do...

- When any Italian sport team wins (even the most unknown) you say
WE've won, on the other hand when the same team looses you say THEY've
lost