SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN IN DUBLIN WAY TOO LONG...
1.
You say "I'm grand" all the time.
2.
You drink Guinness as if it's a sixth food group.
3.
You disagreed with 2. - You believe Guinness is the FIRST food group.
4.
You're pale and white... yet compared with others your suntan looks good.
5.
You say "Are yez grand ?" all the time.
6.
You say "Isn't it grand" all the time.
7.
You say "That'd be grand" all the time.
8.
You can pronounce names like Eoghan, Niamh, Siobhan, Aoife, Fiachra and Kinsella.
9.
You've stopped bothering to ask how much things cost but ask "How long will it take?"
10.
Two-thirds of the people you know are from the States or Bangalore.
11.
American tourists no longer annoy you
12.
You see a member of Westlife on Grafton Street and find it hard to get excited about it.
13.
Somebody speaks to you on the DART and you freak out thinking they are a stalker.
14.
When you meet someone on Tuesday afternoon you tell them you haven't been out in ages then remember that you were chatting to that same person last night in the Mulligans
15.
You have no idea where Ballydehob is.
16.
The countryside makes you nervous.
17.
You take five hours to get home of a Saturday night and think nothing of it.
18.
You take three hours commuting to work each day and think nothing of it.
19.
You make 60k a year, yet you still can't find somewhere to live.
20.
You make 60k a year, and you still can't find somewhere to park either.
21.
You think it is perfectly normal to pay over 4 euro for a pint.
22.
You can't remember the last time you got up to 30mph in you car in 'towen'
23.
Go "into towen" on weekends but don't live there because you like your car.
24.
You don't eat anything cold, uncooked or not resembling meat, bread or potatoes.
25.
You say "Yer man" all the time.
26.
You say "Yer woman" all the time.
27.
Call your mother "aul one" and your father "aul lad"
28.
You say "It's grand that your man asked if I'm grand" all the time.
29.
You find yourself still living with the family and having dinners cooked for you by someone's mammy - at the age of 30.
30.
You talk about "dinners" and "mammys".
31.
Diamond jumpers and Scanda Jacket essential part of wardrobe. These compliments the tracksuits down to a tee.
32.
Know the Macari's or Borzza Takeaway menus off by heart.
33.
Anyone not from Dublin is a 'wanker'
34.
Anyone from north of the Liffey is a 'Northside wanker'
35.
You spend your time from June to October is collecting for bon-fire.
36.
The only girls you know are all called Natalie, Jasinteh, Janet, Imeldeh, Maggie, Sharon or Tracey.
37.
The only men you know are called Anto, Doyler, Rayo, Whacker, Git or Mousey.
38.
Nearest thing to nature you have been is swimming or fishing in Canal or swearing at culchies when they come up "from the fuckin country"